WrG Barracks Saloon

[SaintMg]

/me Downs a beer

clears throat

What would you do with Gautrain's R13bn?


To put the cost of the new Gautrain development into perspective, Singh
and Associates Strategic Solutions has come up with a few suggestions on
what could be done with the R13bn extra the development will now cost
(as opposed to the initially expected R7bn).


*Instead of a train you could buy some top of the range S-class Mercedes
Benz and park them nose to tail to form a " train" that would be long
enough to go around the world.


*Since most South Africans use minibus taxis instead of S-Class Mercedes
Benz, you could run a fleet of taxis, free of charge to commuters, from
Johannesburg to Pretoria with a taxi leaving each town every two
minutes, maintain them at the AA rate of R2.50 per km, replace all the
taxis every month and you would only run out of money after 50 years.


*You could add 44 more lanes to the M1 highway.


*If you prefer to walk, a good bricklayer, if he made little brick tiles
using stacks of 30 R100 notes, could lay a blue paved walkway, 1m wide
from Johannesburg to Pretoria. We would have R400 000 left over to pay
the bricklayer for his work, which should only take half as long to
finish as the Gautrain.


*Or if you want smart people to figure this out you could pay for a
university degree for every single 19 year old Gauteng resident and ask
them what to do with the money.

[TG]

Holy crud!

SOMEBODY is obviously getting one moer of a kick back with this thing!

[Darnit696]

Just think... if someone gave you R13bn you could probably live off the interest for the rest of your life, living like a king. You probably couldn't even spend that much money. Hmmm although I'd be willing to give it a try. :)

[Alluvium]

wow
:o

[Ruslan74]

i thought the Gautrain had gone up to R20 billion already..

[Darnit696]

BARKEEP GIMME A DRINK!!!! After that MerCiless beating I need something strong to take away the pain.... :)

[Darnit696]

.... again and this time MAKE IT A DOUBLE.....

[Darnit696]

....gimme the bottle....

[Darnit696]

Neksshhtime... *hic* beg yours padorns *hic* Shorry... ahem... Nekshtime we gonnaaa whip their ashes.... *hic*

[FeralBanana]

Hehe... Next time, we'll see what happens against their C-team :P

Oh, and darnit... You're still my favourite worst enemy :P

[SaintMg]

i thought the Gautrain had gone up to R20 billion already..
yip spot on there this was the 13 billion extra

but i have been informed that it now stands closer to 27 billion

[Darnit696]

I just love the way billions get thrown around like small change. "Oh the cost went up by 13 billion" " Really... oh well just raise the rates to cover it" :eek:

Who the hell did the project costing on this? To make a costing calculation error that costs 13 billion just a little bit of an error. Thats so huge that it is even difficult to blame it on the exchange rate flucutating. :D BTW Does anyone know how they are explaining this one away? It should provide a laugh. :)

Putting it into perspective. This is the same as if you were going to build a house and you gave the go ahead on a quote of 1 million. Next thing the contractor pitches up and says "Sorry we cant finish your house cause I made a mistake ... its actually going to cost you 3 mil..."

[SaintMg]

45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline Food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt Head
26. Military Intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
1. Microsoft Works

[FeralBanana]

#26, and #1... Stilll da fave's :p

[SaintMg]

just got this and i had to share it wif you allllll ,...., ^^ hope you it lights up your Monday <<....,^^,....>>


CUSTOMER CREDIT CARD SERVICE

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so
priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it
is today. A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for
February and March for their annual service Charges on her credit card,
and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.

The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.


A family member placed a call to ANZ:


Family Member:

"I am calling to tell you that she died in January."


ANZ:

"The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."


Family Member:

"Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."


ANZ:

"Since it is two months past due, it already has been."


Family Member:

So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

ANZ:

"Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the
credit bureau, maybe both!"


Family Member:

"Do you think God will be mad at her?"


ANZ:

"Excuse me?"

Family Member:

"Did you just get what I was telling you . . .the part about her being
dead?"


ANZ:

"Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."


Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member:

"I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."


ANZ:

"The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."


Family Member:

"You mean you want to collect from her estate?"


ANZ:

(Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member:

"No, I'm her great nephew."

(Lawyer info given)


ANZ:

"Could you fax us a certificate of death?"


Family Member: "Sure."

(fax number is given)


After they get the fax:


ANZ:

"Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do
to help."

Family Member:

"Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing
her.
I don't think she will care."

ANZ:

"Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

Family Member:

"Would you like her new billing address?"


ANZ:

"That might help."

Family Member:

"Odessa Memorial Cemetery, 1249 Sydney Rd, Plot Number 69."

ANZ:

"Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member:

"What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

[Darnit696]

:rofl: :rofl:

[SaintMg]

ON DEEP THOUGHTS
A day without sunshine is like night.

ON HIGHER EDUCATION
College is a fountain of knowledge...and most of the students are there to drink.

ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

ON COMMON SENSE
Never pet a burning dog.

ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.
-- Abraham Maslow

ON MATERIALISM
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

ON ECONOMICS
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
-- English Professor, Ohio University

ON DATING
When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.

ON LAMENTATION
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

ON POETIC LOVE
When you're swimmin' in the creek,
And an eel bites your cheek,
That's a Moray!
-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

ON EXTINCTION
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

ON HUMILITY
To err is human, to moo bovine.

ON EXPLANATION OF THE END
"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs."
-- Robert Firth

ON PROPHECY
The meek shall inherit the earth--- for they are too weak to refuse.

ON WORLD POLITICS
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

[Darnit696]

:rofl:

[SaintMg]

More Deep Thoughts ...

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause
kids.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

If FED EX and UPS were to merge, would they call it EF'D UP?

Everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some of us are out of
film.

How much deeper would the oceans be without sponges?

If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit
while your ahead"?!

If a deaf kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered
plant?

[SaintMg]

Last week I attended an AA meeting, and to my horror, each person present
stood up and openly admitted to being an alcoholic. I'm not having these
boastful drunkards repairing my car. I can only hope the RAC have more
responsible employees.
Hugie Dixon, West Drayton

The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of
heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living
too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd
make their minds up.
John

'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says.
Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.
Colin Hill

I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a
mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around
2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust
the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent
by DHL next day delivery.
L Palmer, London

With reference to Mr Palmer's previous letter. I am also married to a
Taiwanese lady, but nobody ever asks me if she is a mail order bride. But
perhaps that's because I am also Taiwanese. And we live in Taiwan.
Lo Chi Chang, Taipei

The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD
pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from
legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop
breaking the law, so will I.
P Boddington, Ringway

Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like
to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife naked. He
hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh?
P, Leeds

Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian
wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?
Anon

On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia
have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never
been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road.
Alan J., London

Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's
Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing
into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some
faster cars.
T Barnham, London

How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million
selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's
football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for
the rich and another for the poor.
Reg Ashcroft, Bradford

Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What
about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about
galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius.
Mike Woods, e-mail

With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers
try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of
Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the twat quickly enough the last
time he played hide and seek with them.
Shuggie, e-mail

Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the
exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope
that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of
humour.
Chris Scaife, Jesmond

I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David Kelly
took his own life". He may not have liked Dr Kelly that much, but isn't
this taking gloating just a little too far?
Dave Owen, Edinburgh

I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is
Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs.
Stan

What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the
world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that.
Thomas J

I just bought a new car and when I insured it, the broker informed me I
wasn't covered for acts of God. Imagine my anger when I looked out of my
bedroom window in the early hours and saw the Lord scratching it up the
side with a key.
Christina Martin

I'd like to congratulate the marketing geniuses responsible for naming the
new A1 motor racing championship. Now they have craftily secured pole
position in the Yellow Pages, surely there will be no stopping them.
Bernie Eccles-tone will have to think again.
Aardvark Mansell

When I nipped into a McDonald's to use their toilets the other day, I was
confronted by a spotty teenager mopping up vomit just by the lavatory. On
the back of his T-shirt it said 'I'm Lovin' it!' Funny, but the poor sod's
face told a different story.
Tommo, Hull

I was being chased by a police dog last week, and made the mistake of
trying to escape through a little tunnel, over a see-saw and through a
hoop of fire. It finally caught me as I was weaving in and out of some
sticks.
Stan Herschel

I don't know why cigarette manufacturers put those big warning stickers on
the side of their packets. If anything, it is likely to put people off
buying the product.
Mark Mayhem

Forget Prince Harry and his fascist ways, whilst eating a Birdseye Potato
Waffle the other day, I was sickened to be able to fashion a crude
swastika from the compressed starch matrix. And their Alphabites are no
better. After carefully selecting a plateful, I was able to spell out
'Hitler is nice' if I used a z on its side for an n. How long are the
frozen food giants going to be allowed to get away with this?
Billington Smyth

My boss and colleagues spend half their time criticizing me for things
I've done and the other half criticizing me for things I haven't done. I
wish they'd make their ****ing minds up.
Arnold Shoes

'You never close your eyes any more when I kiss your lips...' wrote the
Righteous Brothers in their 1964 hit. Well, to be fair, in order to see
that your bird's not closing her eyes when you're copping off with her you
would have to have your eyes open as well. It sounds to me like they've
both 'lost that lovin' feeling.' I reckon the relationship is dead in the
water and they should end it now before they both get hurt.
Mason, Rumpunter

The saying goes, 'See a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have
good luck.' Well I beg to differ. I'm a matador, and whilst picking a
penny up at work the other day I was badly gored in the anus. That's not
good luck in my book.
Milos el Standish, Barcelona

I was shocked to hear Home Secretary David Blunkett say that Britain's
prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has
the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given
'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only
dream of.
Mrs Close, Headingley

[NerdBoyZa]

:rofl:

Glad I didn't read this thread in the office, or I would of been on the floor. :D

[FeralBanana]

Lol.

The end.

I need to beddie bye...

[Drusky]

We have a bar! Hurrah! A place of camaraderie and leg-pulling, good jokes and tall stories….
Drusky seats himself on one of the heavy, padded, oak arm chairs and sinks down comfortably.
“Under the chair boy!”
A large three-legged pig squeezes between the chair legs and settles down contentedly under his master.
“Why shouldn’t this bar have olives, I’ve heard that similar establishments in the Middle East have large bowls of juicy olives at convenient points, y’know where we would usually put the peanuts”
A small bowl of large dark juicy olives appears in Drusky’s hand, he smiles happily before popping two in his mouth.
“Hmmm no pips.”
Askari watching this is not surprised to see the appearance and disappearance of things wished for. This is after all not an ordinary bar. He is however quite intrigued by the portly figure stuffed under Drusky’s chair.

“Where’d you get that pig Drusk?”, he says twirling the moustache, he didn’t have a moment ago.
“Where’d I get the pig? I didn’t get this pig lad, he got me.”
“How’s that boet?” Askari scratches his new beard quizzically.

“Well, I was on Karkand US side heading for cement factory, I’d just swum the river only to find an APC right above me at the ramp. At that moment I was thinking classic thoughts like ‘A tank a tank my kingdom for a tank’ and ‘Medic, Medic wherefore art thou Medic, wert thou not Spec Ops then thou mightst kickass and live.’ I've never had a kingdom and I don’t think the stars will ever cross my way nor do I believe in such muck. So you can imagine my surprise when I see a shell hitting the APC and this pig comes rolling up in a tank. Not one to look a gift pig in the mouth I hopped into the tank. This pig hopped out and started repairing the damage the apc was handing out. I naturally shifted into the drivers seat and finished that APC off. The Pig here has since risked his bacon more than once to save mine.”

By this time Askari had shifted onto the edge of his seat, fascinated “That’s bloody amazing Drusk! I can’t get a single one of my goats to do anything near that useful, all they do is bleat, give milk and eat my knickers off the clothes-line”

“That’s a pity Askari, you should talk to Stoke. I’ve heard he has a way with goats, especially the nannies. But yes, this pig is incredibly intelligent and very useful. My machine is quite slow so often when I spawn the chopper, the tanks, the boats, everything has been taken by the FIBs, sometimes even my unlocks are gone. Nowadays the pig comes to find me and he brings transport. You see he knows I love to fly the chopper and I’ll tell you that pig is one helluva gunner.”

“Yeah I s’pose armour and choppers are best what with him having three legs and all”

“You’d think so Askari, but he’s great backup playing infantry, never misses and keeps up splendidly. I tell you this pig might even have faster reflexes than me. This one time… Ag please lose the beard boet you’re starting to look like Moses now <ping>… thanks. Where was I… oh yes that pig is super quick, this one time I was running towards that gap in the fence at the backyard on Mashtuur when the pig dashes past me squealing wildly, shoves me out the way and dives onto a grenade. BAWAAAAHM. Saved my ticket, I didn’t even know it was a grenade till I saw it on the screen some_oke [genade] pig”

“ So that’s how he lost his leg then”, said Askari twirling his dreads.
“No” I said frowning at the dreads, “ BF2 isn't real man! Truth is you can’t just eat a good pig like this all at once”

"Oh well it's late and I'll be up early tomorrow, Come along now pig, that's a good lad"

Drusky heads out the door

[Darnit696]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[TG]

OMW!

Thank goodness the office is empty at this time of the morning, people would be wondering why the hell I'm crying right now.

:rofl::cry::rofl:

[SaintMg]

@ Drusky love the the pig tails

my stomache hurts ....

[stoke]

:rofl: ... anybody know da SPCA's number :p ??

[FeralBanana]

Well... my granny *does* work there, *is* a council member, *does* like animals a LOT more than people and *is* and honorary important person there.

But, no. I don't have their number.


Oh, and I luuuuuurve bacon.

[Drusky]

Sic him pig! :psycho:

[Drusky]

/Wanders in and looks around at empty stools, lounge area.
"C'mon pig lets go no one's here"
/wanders out

[GRIMREEAPER]

My left nut itches!!!!

[TG]

Although we don't censor the site, we try and keep it family friendly by censoring ourselves.

Many of us have young kids, some who are old enough to browse this site / shoulder surf.

Please bear that in mind.

[Punky3025]

I hate it when he calls me pig !

[Punky3025]

Its also tough getting under that stool

[GRIMREEAPER]

SOrry geek,i have a kid too

[Drusky]

/wanders in and looks around at empty stools, lounge area, gathering dust.
/wanders out

[SaintMg]

muck , muck , muck

[Askari]

Drusk youre an absolute nutter!:rofl:

[Drusky]

Drusky wanders in and dusts off the "usual" chair.

Flip it's been ages but olives still rawk! I've got to tell you guysabout my awesome round on Sharqui the other day. Anyone who has had the misfortune of squading with me knows that I love to go from Club House over the hill to Alleyway (Iraqi side). It’s a lethal habit I’m sure, sorta like smoking but more explosive. I always follow this route as sure as God made little goats and piggies and olives and that is where you'll find me at the beginning of a round, cruising towards Alleyway every time. I am absolutley astounded that none of you receive me with exploding stuff like mines and C4 when playing the other side. Maybe it's because you’ve read your Bible and know that it is wrong to lie in wait for your fellow man and to set traps for him but I digress.

Things were pretty ordinary between club house and the ridge, as usual the okes in the back of my Wodnik were spamming over VOIP telling me I'd never make it up that hill and I was saying that if I didn't it would be coz of their fat heads and before I knew it we were at the top of the hill and I was saying AHA and there was this great big USMC Cobra heli heading our way.:blink:Luverly. I thought it was all over especially when the guy on top started plugging away at the heli and he noticed us. Well I know the importance of staying alive as SQL so I hopped out of the van in a flash, stepped away from the vehicle and emptied my G36 into the heli, it was too close to reload so out came my pistol pff, pff, pff, BANG. Amazing!
Drusky_92FPS_okes.in.heli.
SCORE :psycho:

Elated I hopped back into the Wodnik and headed for Alleyway with the guys moaning all the way about the kill assist points they didn't get and me telling them how grateful they should be that I’d saved their lives. Once at alley way I climbed on top of the building above the flag to get away from the moaning and because I always do this, in case the USMC tank comes along. Here again I am surprised that none of my compatriots who regularly squad with me have not sniped me from the crane or waited on top of one of the buildings opposite alleyway to get me. The Bible really is a good book.

The Alleyway flag was just past neutral when the tank pitched up. That tank is worse than me. It always comes past that flag and usually always as I get there just in time to send me back to Club House. This time however he was distracted by my squadies who scattered as good squadies do and hid under that blue dumpster and next to the sand bags and next to the tank all the while bouncing grenades off the walls and stuff to make the tank go away. The tank was just below me so I dropped a C4 pack on him and let rip. WHAMMY, he was on fire and smoking but still there!

“Grand,” I thought irritably and was mildly surprised when the tank hexploded critically injuring all my squadies. I’m sure if they could have seen me they would have noticed that I’d been injured too (unibrow singed off) but boy did they moan! I peered anxiously at the top of the screen looking for the teamkills but only saw tanknoob_M1A1_squadies. So I dropped off of the roof, grabbed a medic kit and fixed my unibrow. Then I thought about whom I would revive first. I revived Askari first coz he moans like nobody’s business and then Stoke coz when he moans my sub rattles strangely on the floor (deep voice) and then Nismo last coz he tk’s me so often in various “innocent” ways.

I then declared that we should head off to Construction site which we took rapidly while the other lemmings capped Surveillance coz the tank wasn’t there to stop them. After that Hotel was quick and easy and we spent the rest of the round stopping the Americans from leaving TV Station. What an awesome round I got a gold medal and several ribbons and badges and other 1337 stuff. I also killed a squad of FIBbers in all the different humiliating ways. I killed |BFC|Killa and stuck his DOA12 in his ear and made |WrG|Sminty eat his F2000 with a full kit of those damned flashbangy things. What a round YEAH!

:D
Drusky chugs off to the servers.

[FeralBanana]

pewpew pew!

Congrats dwuskiiingholidayinfrance!:D

[stoke]

pew pew pew ... ROFL .. you been playin wif kiwi'z?

[WondaWoman]

OMW :roffel:

I can't believe i've never read this thread before...argh..my stomach is so sore from all the laughing...

[JAWS_Firefox]

Absolutely awesomely hilarious!!!

[TG]

:rofl: Classic!

[Bass]

:rofl:

Excellent Drusky !!! :D

[senorblinky]

Drusky pointed me in this direction to share the troubles i've been having with my BF2 and BF2142

First off, on bf2 there were some strange things happening,
For instance, on Strike at Karkand, whilst standing at hotel, I shot the enemy commander ONE SHOT (headshot) with my PKM as he was driving of with the tank at factory.
And once, i flew the F-35 off of Operation clean sweep onto Shongua Stalemate... The enemy Comm kept on spotting the Jet, but no one believe him, so i bombed all the armours, kept on reloading by hovering over a supply crate on fish factory's roof!
Another time i killed someone with a grenade. It didn't explode, i just chucked it straight into the back of his head, and that knocked him out, killing him.
Sometimes when i time it correctly, i can run with the claymore in my hands, killing everyone running in front of me...
O ja, and this one time, it was kinda weird, cause i hadn't been drinking, i faced off against a squad of 6 support members and when they unloaded on me, i pulled the matrix breakdance, and consequently knifed all six of them. The other enemies that watch this dropped their guns and applauded (i have a screenshot of it somewhere) i also killed those peeps applauding, cause they were enemies... but mostly because they weren't cheering loud enough!


On bf2142 it gets worse, this is the laundry list of things one whould be able to do, but I pulled it off:

1. I stole the radio in an FAV and installed it in our titan, so the okes could listen abba while they defended the core
2. i managed to resupply peeps with my med-hub
3. i once destroyed a silo with my grenades
4. The last time i installed the game, it automatically made ME supreme commander
5. If i sit in the titan guns, i can cap the flags on BF2 urban maps.
6. I took out a walker with my revolver!
7. I destroyed a Titan with my pilum
8. That pilum is potent - i once aimed it right and shot it clear accros the map, i think it might have gone around the world, cause it hit me in the back
9. if i'm in the vents, i can guide an Anti Air missile right into their console
10, i managed to do 12 titan drops while the shields were still up
11. I'm actually the guy that sits in the uav, and that way i guide and pilot it, so it never crashes
11. I heard from some guys that when i popped their noggins, they had to leave the game to drink a panado, it actually gave them a headache
12. With just one RDX pack, i blew up the consoles on 7 different titants
13. once, just after the titan crashed (but just once, cause i was in the shower) i managed to revive the entire thing with my defribilator
14. Once, i chucked an EMP grenade aboard an enemy titan, and everyone who was playing an EA game at that moment computer's shortcircuited!
15. Once, while aboard the titan, i engaged my cloak, i managed to make the whole titan invisible!
16. And once, i managed to weld all the guns and turrets shut of an approaching APC while cloaked... everyone inside died of suffocation.

TADAOW!

[Drusky]

Cripes! You remind me a bit of that potent oke who has read the news since before we became a Republic and ended up here.

[Eyewitness]

That's nothing! I've headshotted a Titan from the other side of the map with a pistol! While it still had shields up! Killed it instantly :)

[sirfortie]

The place is not well lit... olives are mouldy and the place smells like cheap cherry cigars...my kinda place :D
..its just very quiet...so quiet.A lady and her man gets ready to leave...the barman ask me what i'll have to drink..."a heineken" I reply..He said i should make it quick cos its closing time...I down my drink,give him a fifty and tell him to keep the change...before i leave,the barman asks:"who are you,stranger?..I don't reply..I just grin an make my way to the door...
One day,Drusky will return...and I will find him...


huh..what i meant was... "bump":o

[Badapple]

:cuckoo:

[sirfortie]

this thread started b4 i was a geek...when i joined the site,i loved reading stuff from here..sad that it died out so quickly...read a bit dear apple,and you will see...

[Badapple]

kewel, i will do eeeeeeet!!

[Bass]

Yeah ! Where's Drusky nowadays ... ?? :)

[Flangenimblick]

lulz - this is one of the more interesting / insane threads! :D just what Iv come to expect from the geeks!

[Hoss]

:cuckoo:

Don't worry B.A. Baracus, forts is a little coocoo sometimes!

[Ga5can]

Who is mad? just let us know and N3ddy will send the white van with the nice tight jacket ...

[SaintMg]

dont believe it those guys in the van are no nice whats so every took me three weeks of chewing to get loose, lucky for me i was wearing grand ma's teeefs when they arrived.

/me ducks behind the tumble weeed and rolls on out

[Hoss]

man what does a guy have to do to get a drink in here....

so, I've just been to the Algoa centerstage event (the East Cape peeps may know what I'm talking about), and I sang my a$$ off at Bohemian Rhapsody, the bestest song in the world

A few Savanha'a made it alot easier, and bearable for those around me. THose chaps are good.

hmm, okay barmans called last round, I'm out of here


*hangover, pain pain pain...*

[Noodle]

They Lied to me!

There's no candy in the back of the van... :woah:

[sirfortie]

dats da spirit...keeping it alive is wat we need to do
...the songs we sang...and we are proud... :blink:

[Flangenimblick]

Hi, you have reached the Alzheimers research err . . . lavatory no . . . err lobotomy . . . err the place thingy where we study err, if you wish to leave a, ooh gosh what was it . . .erm a menage a trois . . . no if you wish to leave a . . . oh . . . please speak after the err. . . bath . . . err . . . the BEEP!

*barman throws me out*

[Drusky]

/me walks in, dusts off a seat and picks up a bowl of olives.

Sunny Cash once told me that I was a good squad leader. I wasn’t paying attention at the time and probably replied with a “Yes please,” or “I’ll take two thanks”, but later when I was dead, waiting to spawn my memory reminded me of the moment. By this time Sunny had already got the supplies he was asking me for and didn’t notice how my head swelled up and the peak of my special forces cap flipped upwards because of the stretching.

I didn’t mind having a big head although it did made me more of a target for snipers. I didn’t even mind how it stopped me from getting through some of those doorways on the SF maps. Shucks, even the fact that peeps didn’t like lying next to me in long grass during a fire fight never got me down coz damn! I had been proclaimed “good squad leader” over voip and that’s awesome!

What I did bother me was the way I had to crunch my head to one side to fit into the drivers seat of the Vodnik. I couldn’t turn my head far enough to check the rear-view mirrors, that wasn't really a problem though. I don’t use those mirrors, they get scraped off at the corner or lamp post I get to anyway. This real hassle was my squadies. You see, peeps in my squad always tune me about the way I drive. When this happens I invariably knock the culprit off for his insolent remark but having a big head complicated matters. I couldn’t look around to see who needed to die. So instead of killing one of the moan-gats I had to kill the whole squad. Then ten to one after killing the last squadie and tea-bagging the bastage a flock of fibbers would come down the road just when I needed back up/distraction.

Sadness...

Never fear, this story has a happy ending. I was waiting at the red light on Karkand near the square one fine day, all the peeps in my squad were grumbling about how you don’t need to obey the Arab road signs and robots in BF2. Then one of them called me a Noobfoo and I couldn’t see who it was, naturally they all had to die, so I got out to knife the two guys at the back (always do that first) and before I could knife the second squadie I heard stoke talking. He’d gotten out and walked to the vehicle behind us and was telling them how much he likes purple and then Askari started telling us everything he knows about chickens and Nismo started moaning about how I always TK him! And then I lost it, never even killed Sunny in the gunners seat, I just stabbed myself in the eye then and there :PFFFFFFFFFFFTweeeeeeee:

Happiness...

Now I can fit into the Vodnik easily and see who is being cheeky and I don’t stick out in the long grass or make such a good target for snipers and I can fit through all the squeezy places on those SF maps :cool:

[stoke]

I still like purple even when little head is driving.

[Vortex]

I just like saying the word "purple".. purple purple purple purple..

It would sound better if there were rhyming words to keep it company though..
Flurple Murple Slurple.. Hmmm.. Just not cool enough to hang around purple guys - keep trying..




:tard:

[blitzkriegbunny]

I love this thead! But is there a reason you like olives so much that it's in every story ?

I got a feeling I just asked a dumb question...

:o

[TG]

"Olivia," he said, munching on an olive, "olive you."
"Why, Oliver," she said, "olive you too."

Oliver picked up another olive, and gave it a tentative lick. "Why do you suppose," he mused, "that olives are so delicious?"

Olivia looked around the olive coloured room, while pondering Oliver's question. Her eyes lit on several jars of olives lining the shelves mounted on the walls.

"Do you know, Oliver," she said, "I don't really know. Personally, I hate them."

[stoke]

Suddenly I hate purple. Thanks TG. Gee man. Thanks a LOT! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

[Drusky]

Drusky walks into the saloon and finds his shape in the padded oak chair. He waits for the pip free olives to appear <ping>

Drusky popped five olives into his mouth before noticing Askari sitting nearby. He was plaiting his own chest hair into long thin lengths.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked, realizing at the same time that I had not sworn enough to be fully understood.
What “manly” pursuit now I wondered? Hands free water skiing? Was this the build up to bridge swinging from his own beard? Sparta!

Askari didn’t look up, he just grunted before chucking something small and shiny at me… A circle hook (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circle_hook)! I knew this was coming. First he’d toyed with a moustache then the Moses beard, then dreads. Now here he was, plaiting his chest hairs like the wild man of Borneo, attaching fishing tackle to the ends!

Watching Askari just then reminded me of how different things have been on the battlefield lately. It seems as if it was yesterday that Askari was zipping around those Islands on Devils perch aboard his Jet Ski, swearing like a pirate about the lousy fishing and stupid anti Jet Ski rule. Merry times! If you missed it, it went something like this:

Askari: How the #$%& can they #$%&^&% allow EIGHT-MAN rubber dinghy’s and ban #$%&^&% Jet Ski’s? #$%&!
TheSaintMG: #$%&!
Askari: #$%&!
Askari: Why do they even have the #$%&^&% Jet Skis on the map if you’re not allowed to drive them? #$%&!
TheSaintMG: #$%&!
Drusky: Excuse me chaps, I’m going to join another squad to say howzit to someone.
TheSaintMG: #$%&! ….That kid just knifed me again!
Flatspin: #$%&!
Askari: #$%&!
TheSaintMG: #$%&!

I can only withstand a certain amount of profanity before “running off to say howzit to someone” nevertheless it just felt right knowing that TheSaintMG, Askari and Flatspin were there, swearing with and at each other and moaning bitterly about everything.

It’s not like that today. Funny Rash is scarce, so is Flatspin. Rubberboy is "internetless", Vomit and Voice of the Pooh are otherwise occupied. Still there are sweet moments. I was squading with Dukey and that charming fellow Bass the other day on Sharqui, TheStanMG was batting for the other side. Askari was at home polishing his Jet Ski. Souperman had left the previous round immediately after killing me twice and Wonda was spamming on MSN.

With Dukey aboard a HMMMV near Hotel in his usual heli-hunting spot. Bass and I decided to join him in his pursuit.
“Bass why don’t we just hang around here and plug away at the heli with Dukey”, I squawked.
“Hmmm that sounds like a bit of fun”, he murmured in reply.
That poor Heli flew over and died countless times at the hands of the three HMMMV mounted defenders. Dukey oddly enough seemed to get most of the kills, he was k/d 11 to 1 before I thought of checking and prattling happily over VOIP as he tore into the heli again. Bass meanwhile was laughing good naturedly at having killed TheStanMG for the umpteenth time. Stan was bent on cancelling our subscription to Heli Bits weekly and by the end of the round Dukey and I could hear the pleasure in Bass’s as he said,
“I love killing these people with W. R. G. in front of their names, it’s very satisfying especially TheStan.”

:sigh: Good times

Drusky leans back in his chair as he savours another olive

[Askari]

Oh my splitting sides. Excellent (true) story Dru!

[Bass]

:roffel:

Excellent Drusky !! Definitely worth some more rep ! :D


Ahhh, my sides .. :)

[Arbythep00nage]

Hahaha!!!
Good times, I have to laugh at Atari not understanding you due to lack of profanity!!! classic.
Its sad not being able to hand out some prawnage or pick the naughty HMMV campers off with my trusty SRAW... soon lads soon!

[stoke]

:cry: ... withdrawalz are not nice ... but, thanks Dru ... :cry:

[WondaWoman]

Hehe...I love it when he posts here...it's the best!

I do miss the geeks on the servers...at one time there was always at least one |WrG| tag to be found on every server. Now i'm stuck squadding up with other clans...:sad:...like BFC :cry:

[senorblinky]

I think everyone is on WoW hey.

[Voicy]

I think everyone is on WoW hey.

1am on any given week night there are about 12-14 okes on... :hmmm:

[Arbythep00nage]

Hehe...I love it when he posts here...it's the best!

I do miss the geeks on the servers...at one time there was always at least one |WrG| tag to be found on every server. Now i'm stuck squadding up with other clans...:sad:...like BFC :cry:

I get quite annoyed with some of the guys that end up in the BFC squads etc.
But there are a whole bunch of awesome guys still lurking around and if there are no geeks around then I normally squad with Bull and Maxi and a couple of the other guys. I just cant handle squadding with the youngsters who take themselves too seriously.

[Badapple]

:sad: I miss the days with servers filled with WrG :sad:

[Bass]

We're still around having a good time in BF2 ... :D

[Badapple]

Yeah, you may be, but like WOW, i have found rFactor!!!1!
I must get back to :machinegun: soon, but work wastes most of mah day....

I need to find an easier way to make money.