Office Life

[senorblinky]

I work in an open plan office. I am one of 30 consultants, and i am also one of the more junior ones. (we basically only employ people with 15+ years of experience)

I've been here for 4 years now, and i must admit, working in an open plan set up can be quite a bother sometime, especially if you're trying to concentrate. So i drafted the following email which i sent to all my colleagues (you'll see according to the date stamp that i've been THAT ballsy before)

I hope you enjoy my formal rant to all the old people in my office:



Hello Dear Colleagues

After re-reading my previous email about open plan office etiquette and the dangers of over-enthusiastic internal dialing, I noticed that I left out a very important part in the colleague courtesy catalogue, and that is the dangers of unattended cellular telephones.

I do believe we put too much emphasis on these mobile devices, but that is neither here nor there. The point is that these little devices are just that, mobile; IE it is possible for you to take them with you should the need arise to pop out of the office, slink off for a smoke or tiptoeing to the kitchen for some tea.

There is an alternative of course, and that is the silent option. Believe it or not, but most cellphones (nay, ALL cellphones) have a silent option. What this means is that when you switch your mobile communicating device to this mythical option, “Silent”, it will be just that, SILENT. As a result of easily manageable little switch, when someone phones you, the rest of us would be treated to the feint sound of vibration, emanating from someone’s pocket or handbag, and in some extreme cases, someone’s desk. However (comma) should a cellphone be left merrily vibrating away on someone’s desk, it still wouldn’t reach the peaks of annoyance that a cellphone NOT switched to silent would (Honestly, why isn’t it with you?!).

So please dear co-workers, you magical, wonderful, hard-working bunch of people you, please consider the rest of us when vacating your work area, and take your cellphone with you, or leave it there on silent.
If anyone needs some expert tutelage on the “switching to silent” process, please feel free to come and knock on the thin air surrounding my table, I’ve recently started working for MTN, and now I too have knowledge of these fabled settings.

Also, this would be a wonderful opportunity for a quick recap on other issues of etiquette – please read the email below as well (or again), just for your own edification.

Alex


From: Alexander de Coning
Sent: 04 December 2007 12:34 PM
To: All
Subject: 3 ring rule


For our new employees (because I know our existing employees would never be guilty of such a thing), the 3 ring rule is simple. When you contact a colleague internally and the phone rings more than 3 times, it is safe to assume that the person might not be at their desk, or in their office. Therefore I implore you all to practice some self-restraint, much like leaving that last donut on the tray, please try your utmost best to put the phone down after 1-2-3 rings.

I can understand that in most cases, where you let the phone ring more than three times, it is an extremely urgent matter, and you absolutely have to speak to the person involved, however, studies have shown the following things that you might want to take into account:
1. Despite much experimentation, countless mishaps, many a late hour and reams worth of research, Gawie and I still cannot figure out a way to magically get a colleague to appear in their office and take your call. I personally think our understanding of intuition, ESP and teleportation is somewhat lacking.
2. Another excellent feature which was a result of our research, is fig 1.1a. Now this graph simply shows the ‘annoyance factor’ increasing exponentially after each ring. I’m sure that some might find this enormously valuable, as it could serve either as a deterrent, or a reminder. Perhaps it could even save a life.

http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i137/al1101/Ringinternal.jpg

Well, I hope you have enjoyed this brief installment of “Open-Plan office life”
Looking forward to your replies and perhaps other testimonies that could further our research
Warm personal regards
Alex

[Onyx]

:rofl:

Let us know what the responses are (if any) to your extremely fair and sincere email.

I, me and myself have never understood the concept of letting a phone ring and ring.

Your graph is very informative and I have to tell you that I pride myself in answering the phone either on the second or third ring.. depending on how close I am to it. When at home... well... that a completely different matter. :D

Unattended cellphones are annoying and they make you lose concentration while trying to name the song that the person has as his/her ringtone. Sometimes the song isn't done very well, so its not always easy to figure it out.

Thanks for the peek into what its like at your office. :)

[Voicy]

Dude...

Please send the chick in my 2 person office an email indicating the dangers of angering voicy with her constant humming / off key whistling / light singing/ loud yawning / giggling-while-reading-mainstream-web-comics-instead-of-doing-work / chatting to her mom on the phone (who she lives with) twice a day , every day.

I need your help dude. I'm about to murder a small puppy.

[Rizzy]

I don't really see the problem here... I personally leave my phone in the office, and go off to someone else's office to phone said cell phone, and then hang up, then I phone the office phone, let it ring for 4 or more rings and hang up.

When the boss walks by and hears all these phones ringing, she is stunned by the amount of importance that is placed on needing to speak to me, and is vicariously impressed with the work I do, thus enclined to give me an increase.

You see... work is not so much about being busy, as looking busy.

I think that all your co-workers employ this method to make sure that they look busier than you, and will thus climb the corporate ladder faster than you :cool:

[senorblinky]

:rofl:

Let us know what the responses are (if any) to your extremely fair and sincere email.


Hehehehe, one of my colleagues sent back
"I wish some people had a silent button..."
Man i laughed!

[Voicy]

[-]I wish i had people working with me[/-] We have a big age/racial gap in our office. I like take walks in it and get lost ever so often

[senorblinky]

give me a racial/age gap anyday, but don't give me precious people who needs their egos to be stroked every so often... that's just... argh :shudder:

[WingNut]

haha Blinks you should come to my office... Mpumalanga Dept of Education Headoffice... 700 people in a building meant for 400... and they do not know the concept of "if the phone's ringing for a long time it probably means there's nobody there"!
But then again I've also seen people here sit in the office during their lunchbreak while the phone's going berserk but not doing anything about it...

[Voicy]

Wingers, i have to deal with the Bisho dept. of health / public works .... same scenario. I dont know how you do it man. the best part of my day is when i walk out of there knowing i dont have to go back. - you actually have to drive 60km to bisho to see the okes, coz they never answer their phones.

[Arbythep00nage]

I have 5 okes in my open plan section, we talk about rugby and other cool stuffs.
There is one oke who is a complete tosser and talk LOUDLY on the phone with his personal calls, and man can this guy waffle on.
Other than that Blinky your mail was frikken funny!

[stoke]

Open office is for social work.

Offices are for being sneaky and doing sneak stuff, and for coming up with the most over-the edge stuff.

Cubicles are just there to torture people. All the disadvantages of open plan, and all of the disadvantages of office.

[senorblinky]

Well, i spent my morning by MTN, and now i'm looking at my ffice as the quietest place on earth! :rofl:
There are no landlines and no walls, and entire floor of folks on laptops (that aren't on mute) with the occasional message alert ding and some okes watching a video, forwarding it to their colleagues, then they watch it at volume.
Then everyone sports a cool new ringtone.

I must say, i wrote a snooty email yesterday, and today my eye were opened by what COULD life in an open plan office be like. Still, i like it!

[Sminty]

Discovery handles this very well...First the phones ring very softly and you can still adjust it. The one guy I knew there would be talking to you and suddenly answer the phone and I never once heard it ring. It used to freak me out a little. The phones there also only ring 3 times before going over to voicemail and you can't change that setting.

Here at eBucks we have the loud talker. This woman yaks on the phone for hours at a time (no exaggeration) with intensely personal calls. Some friend will phone her and she will go on at the top of her voice how her daughter is suffering from such terrible depression and how she needs to remember to buy new sanitary pads on the way home. At first it was mildly amusing...now its just plain irritating.

I'm quite a loud person normally. But when I speak on the phone in the office I am very quiet. I hate the idea that people can hear what I am saying no matter what I am actually talking about. I guess part of me is afraid that since they can only hear one side of the argument they come to the wrong conclusions (or worse....the right ones)

[senorblinky]

I guess part of me is afraid that since they can only hear one side of the argument they come to the wrong conclusions (or worse....the right ones)

I think it's our inherent need to have some privacy.
I mean, i've spoken to titan on the phone for 30 minutes to an hour before, and i try to keep it quiet, but EVERYONE knows just what the hell you are doing and what you're saying, and you're forced to restrict yourself with many avenues of convo and style of chat, cause people are listening! Dit kou my boude.

[Onyx]

I work in a 3m X 5m office - hence... no privacy at all. I have to make listening noises if Titan and I are discussing something important, or he just asks questions I can say yes/no to. I think I have become quite good at saying something that gives you no clue about what it is we are talking about.

The ringing phone isn't a problem, thank goodness... my co-worker makes sure she answers it before it even thinks of ringing a second time... sometimes she just knows when its going to ring and her hand is on the receiver already. (I get to answer it now and again... I think I answered it on Monday.... or was that Tuesday... can't remember :hmmm:)

[senorblinky]

So we are trying to sell our offices to move to another building. people are constantly walking through the halls, inspecting the building, some even request that you vacate your space for 2 minutes.

So i sent the following email out to staffers, because i was highly annoyed with these idiots staring at me while i am supposed to work:


Hi, all
Just wondering if we can start charging the people who view the offices an entrance fee, because it feels like I’m an animal at the zoo.

For this entrance fee, we can come to the following arrangement whenever we have non-client/supplier visitors:
1. I will yawn like a hippo and eat a ‘Chomp’ (as hippos do)
2. Cal will stretch and purr like a lioness after the hunt
3. Janet can laugh like a hyena and make the ‘whoo hoo’ noises, and
4. Yvette can pull faces and climb on the shelves behind her like a monkey, sound effects optional.

We can then equip Mama Christina with a whip and a cool Indiana Jones like hat, she can be the zoo keeper.

I don’t know what you guys are planning to do in admin, I suppose Gawie would make a good gorilla or at the very least an old molting camel, Vipul can go lie on the floor act like a boa constrictor and for an extra R10 Anneline or Greta can pull a Glenda Kemp and ‘charm’ said boa constrictor. (Just call us if they decide to pay the little extra, I’m sure no-one wants to miss that show)

All I know is that I’d feel less uncomfortable if I knew we were charging these people money to stare at us…

Have a happy Monday

[Sminty]

You're a grumpy old fella at work...just do like me...I keep my head down (its easier to sleep that way) and I maintain the appearance of working while thinking of excuses why I haven't done thing since...well that I haven't done a thing.

[senorblinky]

I am Sminty, i am grumpy - this is a place of work! I can kuier hard but when it is time to work, it is time to work!

[rainy]

When I answer my phone people keep telling me I must let it ring first. Apparently I answer so quickly that they don't even hear the ringtone.

[Sminty]

bloody efficient germans

[Punky3025]

In my office I am the King :). When I am grumpy everybody scurries around trying not to annoy me. The level of my apparent grumpiness can be gauged by the number of cups of tea I am brought. They are all under the misapprehension that tea makes me happy.

I drink lots of tea.

The only person immune to all of this is Drusky. He doesn't. care if I am grumpy....He is the KING of grumpy.

[senorblinky]

Punky, you get grumpy?

[stoke]

Methinks you actually mean:
"We are the KING of grumpy."

[Sminty]

gee...I find that so hard to believe. Your posts are so friendly.

[Drusky]

I'm just a nice understanding brother... are you coming in to work today? My brain is on strike.

[senorblinky]

I'm just a nice understanding brother...

What is that supposed to mean? that punky is the permanently premenstrual sister?
:rofl:

OH SNAP!

[veer477]

Man u guys are hilarious. :rofl:

My ring tone is Surfin bird from like the Vietnam movies :D
So its quite irritating especially with my Sony Ericsson Walkman phone being so loud.
When it rings it gets louder so if I hear any type of sound like it I run like hell to get to it before it gets to loud.

[Voicy]

I work in a 3m X 5m office - hence... no privacy at all. I have to make listening noises if Titan and I are discussing something important, or he just asks questions I can say yes/no to. I think I have become quite good at saying something that gives you no clue about what it is we are talking about.

The ringing phone isn't a problem, thank goodness... my co-worker makes sure she answers it before it even thinks of ringing a second time... sometimes she just knows when its going to ring and her hand is on the receiver already. (I get to answer it now and again... I think I answered it on Monday.... or was that Tuesday... can't remember :hmmm:)


I think it's our inherent need to have some privacy.
I mean, i've spoken to titan on the phone for 30 minutes to an hour before, and i try to keep it quiet, but EVERYONE knows just what the hell you are doing and what you're saying, and you're forced to restrict yourself with many avenues of convo and style of chat, cause people are listening! Dit kou my boude.

Hmmm , i too have spoken to titan on the phone at the office ... it seems he's the cause of all our anxiety.

I dig talking to the dude, but it sucks when you speak about non work related stuff with someone sitting right next to you. i hate it when people do that and dont keep it short , so i try not to either. Titan you big ol meany :p

I also speak alot softer and to the point when im in the office on a personal call ... i think Titan might've drawn the wrong conclusion that i don't love him (like sminty said ... or worse , the right conclusion! :p)

I also put my cell on silent when im in the office - no need for anyone to hear it ring. It also makes the screen distort so i answer my phone before it actually rings - just like rainy does ... it catches people off guard alot.

unlike RB, there isnt a single person in my company with even remotely the same things in common as me. so it sucks. makes me a completely different person at work.

[senorblinky]

Veer, it's people like you who i am going to kick in the Y fronts
1. your phone is not on silent
2. your phone is not with you...

Ek sou al lankal vir jou 'n streep getrek het soos die laaste persoon wat nie vir my wou luister nie, en vir my attitude gegee het oor 'n luiende telefoon.

/me applauds voicy for his stunning cellphone etiquette!

[Voicy]

Blinkers, my cell ringtone is Weezer - Island in the sun , so even if it was ringing it's the most awesome song in the world and people can only smile when they hear it . It's not one of these crap mainstream dance songs u get on every 2nd old tannie who thinks she can still be hip's phone.

My sms tone is Strongbad's voice saying " woah ! elec-tronic-maaaail " - just to prove that i'm a different kind of cool.

heh , as for the ringtones ... my boss's wife has a physio practice in the same building as us... the amount of crappy ringtones you hear going off in that place is phenominal.

[senorblinky]

I don't even know what my ringtone is anymore, my phone is permanently on silent.
Yes, i miss calls after hours and on weekends, but from 8 to 5 i'm really good.

My message alert tone is the 24 office landline ringtone.

[Sminty]

/me sets phone to loudest setting
/me sets tone to baby crying featuring dentists drill
/me sneaks phone into blinky's bag

/me gets ready to phone blinky at work to discuss WoW addiction.

[senorblinky]

/me wonders when Sminty developed a WoW addiction

[veer477]

Hey blinker, my phone hardly rings.
If it rings 1 once a week its alot. Nobody phones me :(
But normally its in my pocket cause I use it more as a watch than a phone :D

[Onyx]

What is your number, Veer?

Ek sal jou so nou en dan 'n miss call gee sodat jy weet iemand het jou amper gebel :p

[senorblinky]

Ek het dieselfde gedink odi! :p

[Onyx]

haha.... ek het eers gedink om elke dag of elke tweede dag te bel...

but that would seem too much like stalker behaviour. :p

Don't want a stressed Veer, do we. :gno:

[stoke]

I set my phone to office mode in the office - it beep's twice for an incoming call and once for a message.

[veer477]

:rofl: veer is a stress free chap :p

[TG]

Heh, it's quite funny in our office. 3 of us have k-jams (there was a 4th, but the dude managed to brick it), fortunately our ring tones are different, but we all have the same default reminder tones, etc.. so whenever a reminder tone kicks in, we all end up scrambling for our phones :p
Just as bad, cuz two of us share the same sms alert tone, as well. Grr. :p

[Sminty]

TG's office is full of the worst kinda geek...the one with no imagination.

[Voicy]

No imagination, hmmm... sounds like TG is an undercover FiB agent. :ducksforlife:

[TG]

Nope, it's just me that has no imagination. I mean, come on... "War Geeks" ???


:p

[Sminty]

yeah....about that...

[senorblinky]

War Dolls!

[Sminty]

Do not go there.

[senorblinky]

Why not?
As a collaborative effort i think it's winning!

[Sminty]

At least its not Blow Up Geeks

[Voicy]

I can just imagine it ... your very own Blow-Up-Geek(tm) - for the lonely gold digger ladies or technologically impaired...

Order now! While stocks last. - But wait there's more... if you call in the next hour, you'll also receive the Blow-up-'T'Bagger accessory, for those who love the smell of getting pwned.

[senorblinky]

I've written "RB" on my toilets seat so i can TBag him every day.

[Hoss]

I've written "RB" on my toilets seat so i can TBag him every day.

Why do you want to TBag Rhett Butler, I mean, ok; Gone with the wind is a bit of an old girly flick but its not that bad :confused:

[Voicy]

You teabag your toilet seat ? :eek:

That's 7 flavours of offsides right there dude. Seriously.

[SintaxErr]

nee man Blinkers jy maak my sommer lag. :rofl:

How many of you guys use the office plants to hide your monitor from the boss?

[Voicy]

nee man Blinkers jy maak my sommer lag. :rofl:

How many of you guys use the office plants to hide your monitor from the boss?

Apparently at least ONE of us :D

Sintax, looks like you need HideWinKey ... that allows you to ALT+~ away any msn/explorer/whatnot screen and not leave a trace on the taskbar ... erm, or so I hear. :rolleyes:

[SintaxErr]

Winkey hey? <scribble on notepad>.. i'll remember that one. Just out of interest of course, i'll never actually use it.. ;)
But as for office plants, in a open plan office the strategic placement of big plants can create quite a nice and private little enviroment for fully payed slacking and if anyone asks about all a the plants, just use phrases like "fully bru" and "peace my man" accompanied by a hearty hug and they will leave you alone in no time.

[Voicy]

My boss is an old vrystaater - he'll snot-klap the Cape-Town-Hippy right out of me.

[Hoss]

There's alot of other things I think he should snot-klap out of you first!

:D

[Sminty]

like snot.