IT Achievements

**rainy** · 3rd February 2012

http://evilrouters.net/achievement-unlocked/

Fellow IT workers, which of these do you have?

Here are mine:

Arise, Serpentor, Arise! - Done that. Not a common thing though.
Brainfart - Now that's no brainer. If I had a buck for every time that happened...
By Stallman's Foot - I'm pretty sure I've done that at least once. Back in Germany a guy at a client was a chainsmoker, and his office walls were this terrible yellowish tint that you get from years of smoking in a small room... Everything in there smelled of stale smoke, in fact, you could smell it through the closed door. I eventually refused to go in there.
Cheapskate - that did happen. On the side though, and I asked for it.
Damnit, Jim - Yep. Usually kettles and coffee machines...
Dodged a bullet there - more than once. One guy at RAM irritated the crap out of everyone, and if it was his name on the Caller ID, more often than not I would just not pick up the phone. The funniest thing would be when the guy then proceeded to phoning my boss, who wouldn't pick up the phone either...
Double Jeopardy - too many damn times to count.
Go With Reason - not quite Microsoft, but yes, I went to conferences on work time for free food and goodies. And, well, to be out of the office...
Good Morning, Could you... It usually does not end well. Mostly though, I tell them that I'll call back, then make a cup of tea and chill for half an hour. You learn to not always jump at a moment's notice...
Have you tried turning it off and on again? - If I don't have 50 yet, I'm damn close. Pretty sure though that I have that one.
Hypochondriac - usually goes along with a lot of murmuring to myself and sounding technical. Works wonders. Gotta love the placebo effect...
I'm glad I found you - yes, don't ever do it to me again. A variation of this one is getting phoned while on lunch.
INSANITY - honestly, who hasn't?

Not The Employee You Are Looking For - and it has happened with snail mail as well.
Please Hold - I would be surprised if I didn't have that one.
Self-closing ticket - yep. More than twice. Usually indicates a PICNIC*.
Some Are More Equal Than Others - at RAM I had my own little internet breakout that completely bypassed the firewall. Only select people were allowed to use that gateway...
Tag - yes, this has happened. When my subordinates kicked a ticket up the ladder that they were perfectly capable of resolving themselves, I threw it straight back at them.
The Gift - sometimes a touch isn't even necessary. It's enough to show up for the computer to behave.
There Can Be Only One - the duel usually involves being the first at her desk. Then you can tell the other guy to go back to sleep.
Three Words - see Some Are More Equal Than Others
Tube Blockage - sadly, yes.
Upload the Microsoft - you would not believe some of the tickets I've received. Just the other day this beauty came in: ""May I please have my email address fixed on the list below please see red, Betty has to always forward it to me."
Whisky Tango Foxtrot - Easter 2009 all my production servers at RAM stood still. The OS just froze after an uptime of like 5, 10 minutes. Eventually I figured out that running Windows Update on the affected boxes made them go again... It made no sense whatsoever, but after a day and a half everything was running fine.
You're already dead - was particularly heartwrenching the one time because it concerned a good friend of mine. The company pulled a double on her and made her go immediately. I was the poor schmendrick who had to kill her user account and sort out her data and mail.

Blindly Forward! - see Whisky Tango Foxtrot. 20/20 for sure.
Deal With It - probably 40/50 or somewhere in that region. Sometimes kak happens.
Fight Fire With Fire - I'm probably at 20/25. One time I received a ticket saying 'My computer is freezing', to which I replied 'It's not cold enough for that'.
&%@$ You RIM - easily complete. I supported BlackBerries for 3 years, and when I left RAM we had well over 100 users...
It Doesn't Work! - I've lost count.
Just Checking In - easily complete.The lack of patience of some people is astounding.
Line Cutter - probably 75/50. Maybe more.
My Computer's running slow! - Probably 942/1000. You'd be surprised how many people think a one liner is enough for a support ticket.
One more thing... - complete. FML.

*PICNIC - Problem In Chair, Not In Computer

**senorblinky** · 3rd February 2012

Hahahaha, Schrodinger's email!

**GeroW4lll** · 4th February 2012

Hehe
I do Schroedinger email all the time, it's my standard test email. This is a test email. If you receive it your email is working. However, if you do not receive it, your email is broken and you should contact me as soon as humanly possible. Or words to that effect as the case may be.

**Arbythep00nage** · 4th February 2012

I will work through the list but after years of support im quite sure I have a bunch of em too.

**Vortex** · 4th February 2012

I think I might have something like 95% of them!

**Sir40** · 5th February 2012

I'm no more in IT, but that does not stop them co-workers to ask. The problem is that they were clients of mine in my previous job so I could not hide and turn a blind eye to their problems :/
Double jeopardy... "Can you come to my office and check our network...its so slow....While you're here, how do I copy photo's from my camera?
Dammit,Jim..."I hear your Fiancé say you used to be in IT...can you please set up my old TV to my satellite dish?
These amongst many others...