>>>>>Semeiotic Chain Mail
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
>>>>>diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
>>>>>kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
>>>>>forwarding
>>>>>out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually
>>>>>believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in
>>>>>Arkansas
>>>>>with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to
>>>>>have it
>>>>>removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak
>>>>>show
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
>>>>>everyone
>>>>>you send "his" email to $1000?
>>>>>
>>>>>How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and
>>>>>make a
>>>>>wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a
>>>>>bunch of
>>>>>bullshit. So basically, this message is a big F*CK YOU to all the
>>>>>people
>>>>>out
>>>>>there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail
>>>>>forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my
>>>>>apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain
>>>>>which
>>>>>was
>>>>>started by Jesus in 5 A.D. And was brought to this country by midget
>>>>>pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be
>>>>>in
>>>>>the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of
>>>>>blatant
>>>>>stupidity.
>>>>>
>>>>>Fuck them.
>>>>>
>>>>>If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
>>>>>amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends,
>>>>>and
>>>>>this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a
>>>>>nicke
>>>>>from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't f*cking
>>>>>care.
>>>>>
>>>>>Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
>>>>>contributing
>>>>>to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
>>>>>
>>>>>THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
>>>>>
>>>>>Chain Letter Type 1:
>>>>>
>>>>>* (scroll down)
>>>>>
>>>>>* Make a wish!!!
>>>>>
>>>>>* No, really, go on and make one!!!
>>>>>
>>>>>* Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
>>>>>
>>>>>* Wish something else!!!
>>>>>
>>>>>* Not that, you pervert!!
>>>>>
>>>>>* Is your finger getting tired yet?
>>>>>
>>>>>* STOP!!!!
>>>>>
>>>>>* Wasn't that fun?
>>>>>
>>>>>Hope you made a great wish
>>>>>
>>>>>Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you
>>>>>don
>>>>>t send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by
>>>>>a
>>>>>mad
>>>>>goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true!
>>>>>
>>>>>Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is
>>>>>TRUE!!
>>>>>
>>>>>Really!!! Here's how it goes:
>>>>>
>>>>>Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending
>>>>>them
>>>>>a stupid chain letter.
>>>>>
>>>>>Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
>>>>>sending
>>>>>them a stupid chain letter.
>>>>>
>>>>>Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
>>>>>sending
>>>>>them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
>>>>>
>>>>>Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
>>>>>sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
>>>>>
>>>>>Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
>>>>>
>>>>>-------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>
>>>>>Chain Letter Type 2
>>>>>
>>>>>Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
>>>>>starving
>>>>>little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no
>>>>>parents,
>>>>>and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every
>>>>>time
>>>>>you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving
>>>>>Legless
>>>>>Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and
>>>>>remember,
>>>>>we
>>>>>have absolutley no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a
>>>>>complete load of bullshit.
>>>>>
>>>>>So go on, reach out.
>>>>>
>>>>>Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if
>>>>>you
>>>>>accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.
>>>>>
>>>>>Thanks again!!
>>>>>
>>>>>---------------------------------------------------
>>>>>
>>>>>Chain Letter Type 3
>>>>>
>>>>>Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
>>>>>absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not
>>>>>as
>>>>>many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:
>>>>>Pass
>>>>>this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible
>>>>>will
>>>>>happen to you like:
>>>>>
>>>>>Bizarre Horror Story #1
>>>>>
>>>>>Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
>>>>>recently
>>>>>received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
>>>>>sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood
>>>>>of
>>>>>poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell
>>>>>nasty,
>>>>>she died.
>>>>>
>>>>>This Could Happen To You!!!
>>>>>
>>>>>Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley. Just send this letter to
>>>>>all
>>>>>of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
>>>>>
>>>>>-------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>
>>>>>The point being?
>>>>>
>>>>>If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless
>>>>>or
>>>>>luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
>>>>>
>>>>>If it's funny, send it on.
>>>>>
>>>>>Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in
>>>>>Botswana
>>>>>with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose
>>>>>only
>>>>>saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this
>>>>>mail,
>>>>>otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right? Now forward this to
>>>>>everyone
>>>>>you know otherwise you'll find all your knickers missing tomorrow
>>>>>morning.
Just the thing for those darn Chain Mailers...
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